The Bull Pen 


A powerful online bio that reads like a charging bull and sells the sh*t out of you and your work is...

As personalized as your fingerprint. 

As smart as the whip that drives you. 

As real as the scars you've won. 

There's only one tiny problem...

Writing about yourself is torture.

It's a very particuar kind of hell to sit in silence, eyes to the blank screen, and type something interesting about yourself...

For all the world to read.  

And no matter how hard you try, when you read over what you wrote again the next day?

You still sound like a dork.

What's up with that?


The idea during those long, infuriating writing hours is to come up with something that doesn't make you cringe. 

Something that sounds authentic and YOU, but also

  • Sounds professional - Not like you started a business yesterday. 
  • Exudes personality - You aren't a robot. There's a heart and a brain in there.
  • Woos and delights - You aren't boring. So why would your bio be?
  • Sets you apart from every yahoo online who does what you do - Your services may be the same as a lot of people. But your story isn't. Especially if you tell it right.
  • Doesn't feel brilliant one day and positively stupid the next - Again, what IS that?!
  • Makes you confident and proud to send people to your website - because it's so much easier to promote yourself when you have it boldly and creatively stated in writing that you've earned the right to be here. 
  • Jives with your brand - because guess what? Your bio is part of your brand. 
  • Cuts the B.S. - because you are a lot of things, but a bullshitter, you are not.
  • Is effective in that it makes people like and respect you.


And therefore trust you.  

And therefore feel comfortable enough to give you their hard earned MONEY. 


I mean, no pressure or anything...

So make no mistake - potential clients are definitely reading your online bio.

 A.K.A.  

Your "story."

Because they have some very important questions to ask themselves. Namely - do they want to work with you?  

That's a rather complicated beast, is it not?

It is no wonder creative, self-knowing, well written people approach their bio problem in one of three ways:  

  • They write a chronological timeline to show how they got where they are - nobody cares.
  • They turn their bios into a trophy case - So you went to Harvard? Cool, bro. What else you got?  
  • They write a short, “quirky” paragraph about their late night Haagen-Dazs habit and explain they live in New Hampshire with their husband, their eight-year-old son, and their two English bulldogs named Chuck and Norris - Cute, but tells their audiece absolutely nothing.  

But imagine this...

  • Deleting the folder on your desktop that’s full of bio drafts and having a smart, gorgeous bio that says everything you've been trying to say only better.
  • Having a meaty, dense bio that FITS who you are - not a flat, one-dimensional bio that reads like your competitors'. 
  • Confidently displaying a killer bio on your website that does some major heavy lifting, so when people do contact you, they already get what you're about. And they dig it.
  • Doing MORE than listing your accolades, your quirks, or the chronological order of your life and instead, PUSHING some boundaries to artistically encapsulate why you're special.
  • Capturing the "hard to explain" bits about your history or your services, and expressing it beautifully in a way that sells.
  • Publishing a bio on your website that's so compelling, people actually WANT to read it and then do business with you.  

So let's grab this beast by the horns. 


Introducing:

The Bull Pen:

A one-on-one, interview, and writing service spearheaded by me, Caroline Mays, writer and creator of Switchblade Lemonade. This artistic, dare I say fun, and inspirational creative writing service is for entrepreneurs who're ready to push past the confines of the average stagnant paragraphs and step into the most powerful elements of their story and use it to SELL THEIR WORK.  

Because whether it's a good, complicated, average or "hard to articulate" story we're dealing with, rest assured it deserves your time and respect because this is your life we're talking about. And how it informs what you do.  

The "normal" way of writing a bio will never do you justice. Craft, intelligent brainstorming, and insight are our best tools - not formalizing and simplifying what is wild and complex.

Because truth is? Your story is only as alive, inspired, and fierce as you'll let it be.

This is how we do it. 


  • We set up an appointment to get on the phone and go at it - interview style - for one hour. I’m your Oprah and your Charlie Rose; you’re my pundit, my star, my source. We’ll discuss you, your business, your clients - and maybe a few random things you'll be surprised pertain - to get to the crux of your story, adding grit and muscle to your brand.  
  • Over the course of our project, we’ll have THREE scheduled check-ins via email where we review drafts, giving you a chance to fact check, weigh in, and take part in this process so you walk away with a product you're in love with. After each check-in, I will revise.  
  • By the end, we'll have taken that wild, untamable thing you've been trying to simplify and capture on a flat screen...and turned it into a poignant work of art that proves you are an intelligent force.  

One to be reckoned with. And one who knows what she's doing.  

 “Thank you so much! The final product looks so awesome!! I’d been dreading putting this together and you made it a very positive experience, so THANK YOU!”  

~ Matt H., Fraud Analyst  

"Thank you Caroline! Now that's a baby I am proud of !! You're amazing!!!!!" 

~ Amy J., Feng Shui Coach

  “I was first introduced and referred to Caroline through a colleague. Caroline took the time to get to know me and my business prior to writing a word. I so appreciate her professionalism in articulating what I was trying to convey and accomplish. Thank you Caroline for making me look so good. ”  

~Annette B., Image Consultant  

  “Caroline has been a huge asset to my company. I would definitely recommend her.” 

~Paul P., Engineer

"Caroline is a master creator of written content. Her wit, vocabulary, and ingenious mind maneuvers the perfect balance of humor and professionalism even for longer full-life bios. Her style is very deep and whimsically vague -- tell her how you want to be known by your clients and she'll write the script. I'm always amazed!"

~ Debby H., Book Coach 

Fill out this intake form to get started on a gorgeously written bio that makes you feel impressively more like yourself and makes your clients thrilled they finally, FINALLY found you. 


The cost:

$200.00 deposit to reserve your calendar slot. + $720.00 dollars to begin.

= $920.00 Total. 

The sooner you reserve your space, the sooner we can get started. 


The Internet is a crowded, congested arena.

HOW you talk about yourself and your work matters immensely.

So are you going to explain to everyone who you are like the majoriy of people online? Or are you going to unleash this animal...and show them?

"Caroline was a joy to work with. With undivided attention and care, she asked the questions that got me to think about the heart of my work. I am so grateful to have had her professional guidance and be inspired by her collaborative creative process."

~ Celine O., Teacher & Speaker

"I loved your effective, creative, personable approach to bring to the surface what I had inside and was trying to convey. Thank you again Caroline!!!!!!!!! Mahalo”

~ Hank L., Club Director 

Here's the form again: 

FAQ's

What if you don't know my industry?  

That's what our one-on-one hour long interview is for - so I can learn about you, your industry, your audience. If I don't think I can wrap my brain around you or what you do, I'll tell you. I'd never attempt a writing project without a clear understanding of my subject.  

What if I don't like the final product?  

There are no surprises here, as you are part of this creative process. I don't disappear, write your bio, and leave you with whatever I compose. You're with me along the way - we'll have check-ins and phone dates, so when we're finally done? You leave with a product that exudes your own peronalized, creative identity and your customers are going to LOVE it.  

How long does this process take?  

The shortest it can be done is one week, but much of that depends on my schedule and YOURS. 

Can I make payments?  

No. My policy is that we get you paid up in the beginning. That way, we're done with accounting first, and all the focus is on our project together. I want words hanging over our heads, not numbers.  

Any hidden fees?  

Absolutely not, my momma raised me right. It's $920.00 total. The $200.00 deposit goes toward the overall cost of this service.  

Can I get my deposit back?  

No, that's why it's called a deposit! But if you have a real emergency (giardia, house stuck in tornado, accidentally fed your Gremlin after midnight), we can reschedule.  

Do you give refunds?  

Not unless there is an emergency on my end and, for some reason, I am unable to do the work. That's never happened, but being mortal and all, I guess that's always a possibility.  

What do you need from me, your client?  

Your mind. Your story. Your game face when it's time to interview. We will have regular, scheduled check-ins, so if I can't go incommunicado and AWOL, you can't either! Unless we go together ;). In which case, I'll pack extra sunscreen.